emotions

The ability for my emotions to change at a blink of an eye is quite amazing and annoying at the same time. I can go from feeling good and motivated to depressed and sad. Sometimes there really is no good reason for the change. I guess it comes along with being pregnant sometimes.
On another note, hopefully we will be able to find a new place to live within the next two months so I can finally feel like my life is getting back to normal. This last year has been so hard and so unorganized. I am such an organized person that to have the comfort and stability of life changed so fast and so drastically changed me a lot. I love my in-laws but can't wait to have my own place, with my own shower and own bedroom and my kids to have their own bedrooms and life to just get back to semi-normal. It's just one thing I am looking forward to in 2010!! Can't wait...

Until next time...

Getting ready to start school

I am starting school in August and I am so excited.  I feel like I am taking this giant step forward and not just sitting where I’m at.  Cameron is also going to start doing pre school, well at home with me, so I am excited about that too.  Our days will be full of fun things to do, and I just love to watch my kids learn it makes me feel good and I know it makes them feel good too.  I will hopefully write more soon, I feel like I have been so busy lately even though I also feel like I’m bored…haha

 

Until Next time…

Starting something new...

I just read a little article on this lady that started a journal and everyday wrote five things that she was grateful for each day. She said it has changed her outlook and her attitude. Since i've been completely in the dumps lately I thought I would try it out. So this will be my journal...

Day #1 Five things I'm grateful for today
1. The weather was quite nice out
2. My kids both took naps without a fight
3. I got to make white chocolate chip macodamian nut cookies
4. My kids went to bed wonderfully
5. My oh so very wonderful forgiving husband for still loving me even if I'm a poop head sometimes...

( I feel better already :) at least a tiny tiny bit )

P.S. I just finished a book by Max Lucado called Traveling Light. It was really good. The entire book was based on Psalm 23 and every chapter was about a verse and what it truly meant. It was nice to read...

This thing we call life...

Life....How would you describe it? Wonderful? amazing? full of dissapointment? Crazy?

The past month or so I feel like my life has been turned upside down, completely turned upside down. It seems that no matter what, things just keep getting a little more difficult. I realized, after quite a few days of non stop tears, that no matter how hard I cry and no mater how hard I kick my feet and scream things really are not going to go the way I plan them to.
God has control over my life, I do know that for sure, and I know that he has plans for us. Maybe he needed to take away all we had, so he can do something completely different with us. (When I say all we had, that just seems so weird cause its like all material stuff, which really isn't important anyways, even though its nice and convienent to have)

Today while we were driving to San Fransisco I was thinking about where we were headed (Life wise) and I turned to James and said, "Well honey, we have nothing so we might as well just go into mission work" He kind of looked at me like I was crazy, but the way I look at it, we really have nothing to lose right now. No house, no car, we are saving money so it seems like the perfect time :)

I wish God would just let me know what he is going to do, what his plans are. I'm not good at sitting and waiting, I'm not good at having to depend on other people, I'm not good at not having control over my life.

Everything will happen in God's time, I know that, I just really need to patience to except it.

I will try to write more often, I know its been a while, and I miss writing, things have just been a little crazy lately.

Until next time...

The need to start before I'm finished...

Last night while I was organizing and cleaning my room out, I stumbled across a ton of books, all of them I started reading, almost finished, then put down and started another one. All 10 of them have bookmarks in them, near the end, but for some reason I never finished them. I don't really know why I have the need to start something else before I finish the thing I was on first.
My goal, until it is finished, is to finish everything I have started before starting something else. So, i have 10 books to finish reading, quite a few sewing projects that need to be finished, some scrap booking, writing down of recipes onto cards, and even a cross stitching project I've been working on for a year or so. Maybe through all of this I will figure out why I think it is necessary to start so many projects and finish so few.

On another note, everyday it seems that more and more people are calling me with their problems, at first I was like "oh my how am I going to deal with this, I can't even deal with my own problems". Yesterday while I was thinking about a specific person and wondering why in the world God put me in this position, I realized that out of all of this I have learned how to pray really well. I now pray about everything and anything, Thanking God for all he has given me and not really sitting in my own hole and dwelling on my problems. I feel it has brought me closer to God, because I don't really feel awkward talking to him anymore. It is, also, kind of nice to not really have the time to sit and sulk. A part of me, though, is fearful that when things slow down and not so many people need me, I will have to come to terms with what I, myself, need to deal with. I guess I might even feel a little sad because I won't feel needed anymore...(at least for the time being) I get satisfaction out of helping people, I think it makes me feel worth something, like someone actually needs me to be here on this earth to make them feel better. I know that that is not the only reason why I am here, and like many other people I am trying to find my place in this giant messed up world.

Until next time...

The hardest part...

I think the hardest part about being a Christian is the distance that grows between you and non-Christians. I know my beliefs and I will stick by them till I die, so being afraid of, i guess, peer pressure is really not an issue with me. It's more like you become a Christian and all the non- Christian people in your life just seem so different. I don't really know how to explain it, it just kind of saddens me. My family is non-christian and the more and more I grow in my faith the more and more we really have nothing to talk about. My sister and I really have nothing in common anymore, my mom and I don't really talk unless it's about the kids and even then we disagree on a lot of things like school, and money and how to raise them. It is really sad.
When I first spoke in tongues I was sooo excited I longed to call my mom and tell her how awesome it was, but I knew she wouldn't understand and would just kind of be like..uhh...so i didn't call her. Thankfully God has placed me in a place where my in-laws are awesome, so I could call them and be extatic and they would understand and be happy for me.
Good news: My sister Nikki gave her heart to God yesterday at church, I was so happy I cried..that is something i have been praying about for two years.
So, i guess I will just keep praying for the rest of my family, God is big and he is awesome.

Until next time....

When the Game is Over, It all goes back in the Box.

I just finished reading that book by John Ortberg. It was one of those books I couldn't put down. It is actually quite sobering, you look around at all the things that matter to you like clothes, TV's, Nifty technological items like washers and dryers, dishwashers and you think, wow I spent so much time trying to get the money to buy all this stuff and in the end it doesn't even matter.

God and People matter. That is what we are supposed to be spending our time, effort, love on. People will last, in a sense. One of our purposes on this earth I believe is to get everyone into heaven. How can we possibly do that if we are busy in front of the computer or watching TV, or even making tons of money trying to buy the newest of things? Don't get me wrong, I love clothes, and the internet, it's one of my flaws ( quite a big one), but reading this book gave me a different perspective.

If I only have today left am I going to spend tons of time getting "pretty"? Am I going to dust and clean all of my "temporary" possessions? (Now I'm not saying live in a disgusting house, because that's taking it overboard)

If I only had today left, I would spend all of my time with people, with my precious children and the lovely people in my life. I wouldn't sit in front of the TV or the computer, I'd get out enjoy the precious gifts God has given us. The smell of newly opened rose buds, the gorgeous white and pink blossoms on the trees, the pretty sound of birds chirping and the awesome gift of human life.

In a sense I only have today to do things. I can't wait for "life to get better", "James to make more money", "My kids to get a little bit older" because I might not have tomorrow to do the things I should have done today.

I'm also learning to be thankful for the tiny things and even the things that seem like such a burden. Everyday is another gift from God, we should always remember to thank him for giving us another day, even another breath of life. When you wake up in the morning say "God Thank you for another beautiful day to do your will on this earth." It makes your whole day go quite differently than if you roll out of bed grumpy because you didn't get enough sleep because maybe you were up late taking care of your "temporary" possessions or working super hard to buy some more. :)

Even if your sick take joy in the fact that you are still alive. Your hearts still beating and your still breathing. If we take gratitude in EVERYTHING, just imagine how much more joy you will have. God has given us everything we can see, and even things we can't. We need to be thankful everyday, because in an instant in can be taken away. Without warning or anything.

I have one more thing to say, When you die do you want to be remembered by that person that made tons of money and had a giant house with lots of useless possessions, or do you want to be remembered by that Amazing person who gave so much of their life and drastically changed other peoples lives? I don't know about you ( and I even love my "temporary" clothes) I would rather be known as the person that had little and gave a lot.

Until next time...

I just don't understand

I don't understand why when bad things happen it's always all in the same week or day or really close in time. It's like something is purposely trying to push you right over a cliff. I'm pretty much just venting. Ahhhh....

It is seriously only Monday and today was bad enough and now it just got topped off with a rotten cherry. Whatever, i'm going to bed...