emotions

The ability for my emotions to change at a blink of an eye is quite amazing and annoying at the same time. I can go from feeling good and motivated to depressed and sad. Sometimes there really is no good reason for the change. I guess it comes along with being pregnant sometimes.
On another note, hopefully we will be able to find a new place to live within the next two months so I can finally feel like my life is getting back to normal. This last year has been so hard and so unorganized. I am such an organized person that to have the comfort and stability of life changed so fast and so drastically changed me a lot. I love my in-laws but can't wait to have my own place, with my own shower and own bedroom and my kids to have their own bedrooms and life to just get back to semi-normal. It's just one thing I am looking forward to in 2010!! Can't wait...

Until next time...

2010

It has officially been way too long since i have posted something. Life got so busy with school, and children and church, ect. I miss writing so to add another thing to my 2010 To do list I am going to attempt to write on here more often. The end of 2009 was very hectic and life just seems sometimes to get crazy! As you all know we are expecting another precious life due the end of May. We get to find out (hopefully) what we are having on the 12th of this month. School is out until the 19th, but I am going to be taking all online classes, therefore I will pretty much be connected to my computer for 5 months.
This year, I decided we needed to eat healthier, not so much processed, boxed food, not as much fast food and just healthier food in general. Today was day #1 after grocery shopping last night. First off, buying food that is good for you costs more money than food that is contained in a box :) Second, my kids don't seem very happy about the lack of macaroni and cheese, sugary cereal, pop tarts, and the likes.
This morning it was plain yogurt with raspberries, blueberries and granola. I also gave them each a half of banana. The banana was all they ate. Cameron ate a few bites of the yogurt and said it was rotten and leilani didn't even touch it. Hopefully they will get use to the lack of sugar in their diet. Lunch consisted of whole wheat english muffin topped with shredded cheese, ham and pineapple to make little pizzas. They did eat those without complaint. Dinner will be chicken, cabbage and rice.
Hopefully lazy Amber will not kick back in and the process of cooking good food will not fail.

Until next time...

Birds

While I was driving home from school the other evening I saw birds flying and I thought what amazing creatures.  If the bird that is leading gets tired or just needs to fall back another bird will come and jump up and take his place.  Could you imagine, if we were tired, or hurting or just needed to take a break and someone jumped in for us.  That would be awesome.   If we could just be birds, or as cool as birds!!

 

“Dear God make me a bird so I can fly far far away!”

Ibuprofen

While I had a massive migraine yesterday I was attempting to drive down the road when i saw a homeless man sitting on the corner.  I then started thinking to myself, I wonder if homeless people get to get some Tylenol or ibuprofen when they get headaches.  Then it escalated to, “I wonder if people in third world countries have medicine for headaches?”  “Maybe they use herbs!”, “I wonder who thought to take an herb first for a headache?”  Finally my brain started to really hurt, worse than before, and I just thanked Jesus that I did have Ibuprofen when I have headaches. 

Today, it’s weird to think that some people don’t have what we think is a necessity.  I would probably go crazy if I didn’t have Tylenol when I got a headache. Just to think, what would I do if I grew up not even knowing Tylenol was around?  hhmmm…it’s kind of weird to think about things like that.

 

 

Until Next Time….

Little Women

I can’t wait till Leilani is older and she can do this cute little book.  I remember when Suzanne showed me her older one and then she posted something about it on her blog.  This is so cute, and it’s always good for little girls to know how to behave properly.  It just seems like such a cute book. 

 

Until Next Time….

The past few months

 

So I've been in school for 3 weeks now and It’s amazing.  I love it so much, the interaction with adults, the learning.  I feel like I am finally being useful.  (I know staying at home is being useful but I just started feeling unmotivated and maybe even a little worthless.)  I know it sounds dumb!  Anyways, I’ve gotten A’s on everything I’ve done so far, so I’m feeling pretty good.  Math word problems suck but hey it’s only a section of a chapter.  Psychology is really interesting. I learn a lot of things I don’t really agree with but it’s okay I have to take what is good and leave what is not.  Human services…I love that class, it is so interesting, I am even thinking about majoring in Social Work, but I can’t go to William Jessup with that major so I might have to stay with Psych. if I want to go to that private college.  I have to make an appointment with the advisors there and maybe they will be able to help me, with which direction I should go for what I want to do. 

I love leading the care team at church, it gets overwhelming sometimes but just knowing I am helping someone makes it all worthwhile.  We just got done collecting backpacks for Foster Kids and my goal was 50 and we have more than that.   Thank you Jesus.  Right now I’m trying to get a harvest carnival for Halloween put together, so I’m praying for enough help so the kids don’t have to get candy from houses they can come and do activities at the church. 

I’ve been pretty busy, but I feel good.  I still have my emotional days, but I think it’s just cause I am Amber and that’s how it is. 

I’m going to try to write on this thing at least once a week.  I miss blogging…

 

 

Until Next Time!!!

My Classes

1. Psychology 1A

2. Math 52

3. Intro to Human Services

4. Counseling 10

 

I am so excited, they are all subjects I really like so it will hopefully be pretty easy!!

Getting ready to start school

I am starting school in August and I am so excited.  I feel like I am taking this giant step forward and not just sitting where I’m at.  Cameron is also going to start doing pre school, well at home with me, so I am excited about that too.  Our days will be full of fun things to do, and I just love to watch my kids learn it makes me feel good and I know it makes them feel good too.  I will hopefully write more soon, I feel like I have been so busy lately even though I also feel like I’m bored…haha

 

Until Next time…

My Heavenly Father

I got the privelage of taking Mom and Dad Christian to the airport on Monday morning at six a.m. The ride on the way back was quiet and calm, a perfect time to have a conversation with God. This might sound a little weird but I'm going to say it anyways.
While I was driving I was praying out to God, asking him to give me direction for life, take this situation we are in and make it into something so much better. This is the revelation I got out of our conversation.

When Cameron is kicking and screaming because he wants to do things his way we will gently pick him up and take him into a whole nother environment so he will stop and listen to us. I have been a Christian for two and a half years now, and the entire time I have done things on my time, in my way and wasn't really following God's will for my life. ( I guess you could say) I was doing all the good Christian things on the outside, I just wasn't really listeing to God and his plans for my life. In a sense I was pretty much kicking and screaming. God revealed to me that what he did was pick me up and take me out of the environment i was in because I was not listening to him, he has now taken all my worldy things away from me and has completely got my attention. I am here in a different situation and ready and willing to listen to my heavenly father who knows what is best for me.
That conversation on the way home from the airport brought so much peace into my life at this hectic moment. God has something sooo much better for me I just need to be willing to listen and to follow his direction.

Grateful Day #2

My five things I'm grateful for today:
1. My mom said she might be able to add me to her gym membership for $15 and she said she would even pay for it.
2. Once again my kids both took naps like champs and with no hassle
3. I got to sit down and read Mere Christianity for 30 minutes with no interruptions
4. I got to eat ice cream :)
5. I wanted Salmon looked in the freezer and had salmon :)

Starting something new...

I just read a little article on this lady that started a journal and everyday wrote five things that she was grateful for each day. She said it has changed her outlook and her attitude. Since i've been completely in the dumps lately I thought I would try it out. So this will be my journal...

Day #1 Five things I'm grateful for today
1. The weather was quite nice out
2. My kids both took naps without a fight
3. I got to make white chocolate chip macodamian nut cookies
4. My kids went to bed wonderfully
5. My oh so very wonderful forgiving husband for still loving me even if I'm a poop head sometimes...

( I feel better already :) at least a tiny tiny bit )

P.S. I just finished a book by Max Lucado called Traveling Light. It was really good. The entire book was based on Psalm 23 and every chapter was about a verse and what it truly meant. It was nice to read...

This thing we call life...

Life....How would you describe it? Wonderful? amazing? full of dissapointment? Crazy?

The past month or so I feel like my life has been turned upside down, completely turned upside down. It seems that no matter what, things just keep getting a little more difficult. I realized, after quite a few days of non stop tears, that no matter how hard I cry and no mater how hard I kick my feet and scream things really are not going to go the way I plan them to.
God has control over my life, I do know that for sure, and I know that he has plans for us. Maybe he needed to take away all we had, so he can do something completely different with us. (When I say all we had, that just seems so weird cause its like all material stuff, which really isn't important anyways, even though its nice and convienent to have)

Today while we were driving to San Fransisco I was thinking about where we were headed (Life wise) and I turned to James and said, "Well honey, we have nothing so we might as well just go into mission work" He kind of looked at me like I was crazy, but the way I look at it, we really have nothing to lose right now. No house, no car, we are saving money so it seems like the perfect time :)

I wish God would just let me know what he is going to do, what his plans are. I'm not good at sitting and waiting, I'm not good at having to depend on other people, I'm not good at not having control over my life.

Everything will happen in God's time, I know that, I just really need to patience to except it.

I will try to write more often, I know its been a while, and I miss writing, things have just been a little crazy lately.

Until next time...

Its been quite a while...

but what can I say it's been quite a life the past few weeks. I really don't have anything to say, just wanted everyone to know I'm still here and someday hopefully soon I'll have something meaningful to say!

Until then....

For Today...

"But anyone who does not love does not know God -- for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." (1 John 4:8-10 NLT)

Also, Cameron just told me I needed two phones because I like to talk and I have two ears. It's nice to know that he is starting to know his numbers...it's not really nice to know that he thinks I talk to much :)

The need to start before I'm finished...

Last night while I was organizing and cleaning my room out, I stumbled across a ton of books, all of them I started reading, almost finished, then put down and started another one. All 10 of them have bookmarks in them, near the end, but for some reason I never finished them. I don't really know why I have the need to start something else before I finish the thing I was on first.
My goal, until it is finished, is to finish everything I have started before starting something else. So, i have 10 books to finish reading, quite a few sewing projects that need to be finished, some scrap booking, writing down of recipes onto cards, and even a cross stitching project I've been working on for a year or so. Maybe through all of this I will figure out why I think it is necessary to start so many projects and finish so few.

On another note, everyday it seems that more and more people are calling me with their problems, at first I was like "oh my how am I going to deal with this, I can't even deal with my own problems". Yesterday while I was thinking about a specific person and wondering why in the world God put me in this position, I realized that out of all of this I have learned how to pray really well. I now pray about everything and anything, Thanking God for all he has given me and not really sitting in my own hole and dwelling on my problems. I feel it has brought me closer to God, because I don't really feel awkward talking to him anymore. It is, also, kind of nice to not really have the time to sit and sulk. A part of me, though, is fearful that when things slow down and not so many people need me, I will have to come to terms with what I, myself, need to deal with. I guess I might even feel a little sad because I won't feel needed anymore...(at least for the time being) I get satisfaction out of helping people, I think it makes me feel worth something, like someone actually needs me to be here on this earth to make them feel better. I know that that is not the only reason why I am here, and like many other people I am trying to find my place in this giant messed up world.

Until next time...

Ridiculous....

There are so many ridiculous things that go on in this world....

1.

Teen Sexting Legalized in Vermont?

Legislators in Vermont are considering a bill which would legalize "sexting" between teenagers. For those of you who don't know what sexting is, it is the exchange of explicit videos and photos via cell phone. See FOX News.

Current law in Vermont allows "sexting" participants to be charged with child pornography, but lawmakers are considering a bill which would legalize the consensual exchange of graphic images between people aged 13 to 18 years old. Passing along images to others without permission would remain a crime under the child pornography laws.

Supporters of the bill say while they don't condone "sexting" they also don't believe teenagers should be prosecuted as sex offenders under child porn laws for behavior that is consensual. Would you want your 13-year-old daughter to be able to receive nude images from a guy at school? While I don't believe such behavior rises to the level of child porn, I also don't believe that legalizing such consensual images is the answer, either. What do you think?

The hardest part...

I think the hardest part about being a Christian is the distance that grows between you and non-Christians. I know my beliefs and I will stick by them till I die, so being afraid of, i guess, peer pressure is really not an issue with me. It's more like you become a Christian and all the non- Christian people in your life just seem so different. I don't really know how to explain it, it just kind of saddens me. My family is non-christian and the more and more I grow in my faith the more and more we really have nothing to talk about. My sister and I really have nothing in common anymore, my mom and I don't really talk unless it's about the kids and even then we disagree on a lot of things like school, and money and how to raise them. It is really sad.
When I first spoke in tongues I was sooo excited I longed to call my mom and tell her how awesome it was, but I knew she wouldn't understand and would just kind of be like..uhh...so i didn't call her. Thankfully God has placed me in a place where my in-laws are awesome, so I could call them and be extatic and they would understand and be happy for me.
Good news: My sister Nikki gave her heart to God yesterday at church, I was so happy I cried..that is something i have been praying about for two years.
So, i guess I will just keep praying for the rest of my family, God is big and he is awesome.

Until next time....

Gianna

Read it its an amazing book. Just finished it in one sitting. Ha i havent done that in a very long time. I have a super busy day tomorrow hopefully i will be able to sleep tonight.

<3

I love this song... I need it most days!!



I open my eyes to the sound of morning news
And wish for ten more minutes left to sleep
And as I get into the shower the thoughts of
facing one more day
Overwhelm me and I begin to weep
And I've never felt like I've needed Your help,
so bad
Verse 2:
Well, my tears are pushed away now for the
sake of morning rush
'Til the Bible on the table catches my eye
And I read that you are near to the hearts that
break with grief
And I realize that I don't have to try
To live life myself because You're ready to help me live
Bridge 1:
And everyday I look to you
To be the strength of my life
You're the hope I hold onto
Be the strength of my life
Chorus:
Be the strength of my life
Strength of my life
Be the strength of my life today
Be the strength of my life
Strength of my life
Be the strength of my life today
Verse 3:
Each day has its problems, it troubles and its tears
And it seems I'm always anything but strong
When I learn to know my weakness,
I understand your strength
And even when the hard times last so long
I won't try by myself, I'll just ask for Your help
Each day
Bridge 2:
And everyday I look to You
To be

-Leslie Phillips

The Worth of a Woman

"You are precious and honored in my sight..." Isaiah 43:4a NIV

Are the factors that determine a woman's value based upon variable, shifting factors or are they based upon fixed factors? Fixed, of course right? But if the answer is so obvious why do we struggle so much as women with feeling worthless? It's because we often allow variable earthly factors define our worth. There are main reasons why women feel worthless:

-They've been abused
-They've been told they are worthless
-Choices they have made
-They've been cheated on
-They are co-dependent
-They've battled an illness
Including many more that we use to define our worth. Many of us feel worthless. Why? We've felt ignored, invisible, insignificant, useless, undesired, ugly, unloved or forgotten. Girls are emotional, broken down in many ways. Great portions of our identity and of our personal value are wrapped into highly combustible packages of emotion..how we feel about this or that. The honest truth is our worth has nothing to do with how we feel.
That way of thinking is like a spiritual dead end road. Scripture tells us that anything we do in our own strength or of our own goodness is of no value to God. "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" Isaiah 64"6a
Because of Jesus Christ, I am (you are) a woman of highest worth. NOT because of anything else. I am (you are) a grace girl. Not perfect by a long stretch. I (you) have been changed by the unconditional love of God and restored to perfect beauty through Jesus' shed blood. Because of love, we are His daughters and we are precious in His sight. We need to set aside feelings that diminish our value, and embrace our proper identity: A child of the King of Kings.
Feelings of worthlessness are from the Enemy himself. It makes me sad that the enemy has such a strong grip on God's daughters (myself included). We need to associate the word worthless with the word lie. That's what it is a super duper lie.
I bend a knee to negative feelings and live a defeated life because i'm not quite sure how to overcome my sense of worthlessness. I now know that God wants me (and you) to experince healing and have an appropriate sense of self-worth.

The Bible tells us that because Jesus died on the cross we can be clothed with the "robe of righteousness". Apostle Paul tells us that when we are reconciled to God, we become his righteousness. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" 2 Corinthians 5:21 There is no possible way we could ever earn such a robe. But Jesus gave his life for us, He earned it for us. He paid the price and we receive the gift. Why?? Because I am (you are) worth it. We are precious and highly valuable in the eyes of the One who sees.

Until next time....